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Emphatic feedback

By Nickunj Malik - Mar 16,2016 - Last updated at Mar 16,2016

In a writer’s life, especially that of a columnist, there is no such thing as negative publicity. As long as people are reacting to what you are writing, you can carry on doing so. The absolutely worst thing that can happen to you is when readers become indifferent to your work. 

Therefore, after more than two decades of being in this line, I have sort of disciplined myself to be stoic, both towards effusive praise as well as cutting censure. I try not to get influenced by it because eventually, everyone is entitled to his or her outlook that might not agree with mine. Which is fine because the live-and-let-live strategy which I imbibe, essentially teaches us that much about peaceful co-existence. 

And yet, once in a while I slip up when someone gets too personal in criticising what I have written. All my mental training goes for a toss as my confidence takes a beating. To regain my composure and rebuild my self-assurance is an uphill task. I have to remove myself from the writing and examine the two separately to see if there is indeed any substance to the critique. 

Being an empath does not help matters. Who, or rather, what is an empath you ask? It is derived from the term empathy, which means the capacity to understand or feel what another being is experiencing from within the other being’s frame of reference.

Different from the word sympathy, which is largely used to convey commiseration, pity, or feelings of sorrow for someone who is undergoing misfortune, empathy is used to refer to the ability to imagine oneself in the situation of another, thereby vicariously experiencing the emotions, ideas, or opinions of that person. Empath, consequently, is the people with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual. 

Empaths are hypersensitive individuals, and their problem is that they are constantly putting themselves in other people’s shoes. Being an empath is not unusual. According to research conducted by Elaine Aron, PhD, a psychologist at Stony Brook University in New York, 20 per cent of the population are genetically inclined to be empathic. She and her research team have found physical evidence in the brain that empaths respond especially strongly to certain situations that trigger emotions. 

All the creative people in the world have an intuitive sensitivity towards their surroundings but empaths tend to feel more. When individuals come to me with their problems, literal strangers confide in me, I feel their pain as my own and am easily reduced to tears. If I spend some time with a person suffering from a bout of depression I feel depressed too. Sudden noise startles me and I have to physically disengage from a negative situation and go for a long walk to ease the stress that I unconsciously absorb from other stressed folks.

Research tells me that being an empath is a genetic predisposition. I struggle to understand which one of my parent passed on this trait because both of them are not with me anymore. But in our daughter’s case, I am definitely the culprit. 

“Coping with an empath is tough,” I confide in my husband. 

“You are telling me!” he exclaims. 

“Too much of angst,” I admit. 

“Completely unnecessary,” he agrees. 

“Is that so?” I ask. 

“Terrible melodrama,” he says. 

“No empathy from you,” I accuse. 

“I can extend apathy,” he shrugs. 

“Apathy cannot be extended,” I argue. 

 

“Reduce it then,” he guffaws.  

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