You are here

Responsible parenting

By Nickunj Malik - Jul 29,2015 - Last updated at Jul 29,2015

Whenever I am faced with a child-rearing dilemma, I try to think what my mother would have done in a similar situation. 

She had never read Dr Benjamin Spock. His book “Baby and Child Care” was published in America in the year 1946 and became an instant bestseller, selling more than 50 million copies. Its message to mothers was “you know more than you think you do” and revolutionised parenting. Spock pioneered ideas that were, at the time, considered out of the mainstream. He encouraged parents to see their children as individuals and trust their own instincts while bringing them up. 

Earlier experts had advocated that babies needed to learn to sleep on a regular schedule, and that picking them up and holding them whenever they cried was inappropriate. They were also told that they should not be hugged or kissed because that would hamper them from becoming strong and independent individuals in a harsh world. 

My own mother, who was born roughly around the time that the book came out, had never heard of the tome. It did not even reach my home country India in the next two decades or so that it took for me to make an appearance in this world. 

So, she raised my two siblings and me in an extremely practical manner. Our father had a very peripheral role in our initial upbringing. It was generally left to our mother to decide what was good for us. She allowed us to run around outdoors for long periods without scrutinising the area for spiders, bees or scorpions. In fact, once I came rushing home to tell her that I had spotted a snake in the garden. She was chopping spinach leaves on the kitchen counter with a sharp knife. Without breaking the rhythm, she simply told me not to disturb the reptile but play in the veranda instead. 

She believed us when we said an Aunty in the neighbourhood had fed us jam sandwiches for dinner. She never wanted to know if the bread was white, whole-wheat, multigrain or gluten free. We could listen to lively songs on the radio while doing homework, if we wanted. We were also permitted to settle our disputes in an amicable manner. She only intervened if things got out of hand and even then she was fair in delivering a row of stinging slaps uniformly, to all concerned. 

What I am emphasising here is how calm and collected our mother’s generation was compared to ours. We are Tiger moms and helicopter mommies and I wonder where all this hyper parenting is leading us? 

We examine the lawns for bugs before letting our kids set foot there, we create havoc if we spot a deadly creature in the near vicinity of our precious children, we won’t let them bite into a sandwich without checking its contents and as for slapping them? Like the famous Hugh Grant dialogue from the film “Mickey Blue Eyes”, “Forget about it”! But eventually, all that we want is, for our offspring to be happy. 

“How can I ensure my child’s happiness?” I asked my husband the other day. 

“That’s a tall order.” he replied. 

“Why?” I wanted to know.

“You can wish for it but cannot secure it,” he said. 

“What would my mother have done?” I wondered.

“She would give you the tools for achieving it,” my spouse answered. 

“What should I do?” I probed

“Just pass on the tradition,” he smiled.

up
78 users have voted.


Newsletter

Get top stories and blog posts emailed to you each day.

PDF