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Sibling rivalry

By Nickunj Malik - Apr 23,2014 - Last updated at Apr 23,2014

There is nothing particularly amazing about having siblings. We don’t have much of a choice in the matter anyway. Our parents, nature and God are more involved in this evolution process. And then before we know it, the stork brings the baby home and we are introduced to them as brothers or sisters. 

Positioning is very important in a family, with the oldest, youngest and the middle order, having their own positives and negatives. My heart goes out to the eldest child in every household. Some of them do not have a childhood at all. At an age when they themselves need to be babied, they are expected to be responsible for the younger ones. 

It is just one of those unwritten universal rules and no one gets down to actually questioning it. I have seen two-year-old toddlers getting off from their pram and offering it to their younger sibling. Or sharing their pacifier, rattle toys and mashed food also. The older one becomes the natural frontrunner and gets used to having others listen to his bidding. 

Some of them carry on in this manner even when they become older. They do not realise they are dictatorial, because they have been like that from a very early age. They do not understand why their behaviour is construed as overpowering or controlling. 

On the flip side, the youngest child in a brood never really grows up. They get so used to someone watching over him or her, that they find it difficult to think for themselves. They leave all the decision making to the others and know that to get out of a sticky situation all they need to do is call out to the older ones. 

The middle people are a most precarious lot. Not quite the leaders and also unable to become blind followers, they can carry their sense of maladjustment around themselves. Most of them overcome it in the long run, but some find it difficult to do so. 

In this broad spectrum, there is also the dynamics of having siblings of different gender and their equation with each other. It is a fact that men raised around sisters are more demonstrative, affectionate and fashion conscious. Also, women raised around brothers are less shy, squeamish and reserved. 

Personally, I’ve been blessed with two siblings. One is older and the other younger. My elder brother was just three when I was born, and my fiercest battles were fought with him where some of my dolls were beheaded and his toy cars were crushed. But all along he has been my friend, philosopher and guide. Amongst other things, he taught me swimming, fishing, rifle shooting, riding, singing and using chopsticks. 

Our younger brother made an unplanned entry into our lives. One evening we had gone to watch a movie with our father while our mother was in the clinic and the next day she presented us with the baby.  Suddenly, he was the centre of attention. 

Six days later I tried to return him to the hospital. 

“You can’t give him back,” my dad exclaimed.

“Why not?” I asked.

“He is your brother, you have to look after him,” my father reasoned. 

“For how long?” I enquired.

“The rest of your life,” he announced.

“He will also break my dolls,” I said bursting into tears.

“No no, he is your real life doll, see?” my father stated, putting him in my lap. 

That’s how the bond started.

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