The complainant

I don’t know whether it is to do with my advancing years or lack of wisdom but happy people tire me these days. There is nothing more annoying in the world than to listen to them droning on and on about how delighted they are with their jobs, family, friends, holidays, train travel et al. You name it, and they rush to tell you how and why they are elated with it. 

The constant complainers can be tiresome too don’t get me wrong. Who wants to be party to a litany of complaints that are presented at the drop of a hat? But between the grumblers and the gloaters, I prefer the former variety.

There are two reasons for this. The first is that in the company of moaners one feels better instantly, because you realise that you are not the only one going getting the raw end of the deal, so to speak. Secondly, and more importantly, one can offer them some suggestions from one’s own personal portfolio, which could perhaps better their lot. It gives you a sense of usefulness as well. 

This dual opportunity is lost on the cheerful set because why would anyone want to give them advice? They have no need for it, in fact they don’t have the time to even heed to it because they are so busy being, well, happy. So much of sugary sweetness in their personality, without any sour or spicy side to it, sets my teeth on edge. Sometimes I feel like smacking them just for the heck of it. To see what the reaction would be. 

I do not do it, of course not! It is not nice to be called old and nasty at the same time. But I often wonder if these individuals are in this state of bliss all the time or are there invisible masks that they wear over their faces when they are in the company of others. 

Faultfinders on the other hand, are diligent in finding errors with everything. Not one to stay silent, they are vociferous in bringing it to the notice of the concerned authorities. They fill feedback forms and complaints register with alarming regularity and then keep following up on it. 

Sometimes I like to read their criticism on the travel or hotel websites online. They definitely manage to keep the service industry on their toes and not take the client for granted. A few comments make me laugh out loud where they bemoan the size of the soap that is supplied, the absence of extra pillows or the lack of springiness in the mattress. 

I was at Lake Victoria once. The lodge I was staying in was on the water and the room service menu was also extremely inviting. But the service itself was so disappointing that I was compelled to ask for the complaint form. I filled it up thinking no one would read it in that back of beyond jungle. 

After I got back home, my phone rang. 

“Ma’am you had a bad time at our hotel?” questioned an alien voice. 

“Who is speaking?” I asked. 

“Your breakfast order arrived at dinnertime?” the voice continued. 

“Ahem, well,” I said. 

“Which bit is exaggerated?” the voice cut in rudely. 

“Actually, none of it,” I announced. 

There was a moment’s silence.

“The food will be before time on your next visit, don’t let this be your last supper,” the voice implored.

Did I go back?