Managing our emotions

By Dr Tareq Rasheed
International Consultantand Trainer

Research proves that our mood affects our physical, mental and emotional lives. How well you manage your emotions is your ticket to achieving your objectives in life.

The Mode Dynamics Model

•Child: Raising a child with the mentality of worry and fear will keep the child in a disturbing mood throughout life and interactions. Parents should always help their kids grow positively and emotionally aware. Parenting modes should encourage self-awareness 

•Coping: Here, people surrender themselves to the will of others; thus, they try to avoid being with others and do not control their choices. This mode can lead to depression and other mental health issues

•Healthy Adult: People with this mode control, manage and achieve. They have a high degree of assertiveness, care for themselves and others

To help change your mood and get to the Healthy Adult Mode, let’s revisit some helpful tools…

The Control Triangle

I apply the Triangle of Control, which is composed of three entities: 

•God: Everything is under God’s control. Give thanks and move ahead

•Me: I control my reactions 90 per cent of the time 

•Environment: Whatever the environment (external circumstances) throws at me, I will never give the environment more than 10 per cent because I can choose, control and move ahead. Yet, people who feel hopeless give the environment 90 per cent of the control. But they cannot change their parents, spouses, colleagues. What they can change is their reaction and control

The Proactivity Model

This is a beneficial model to help you be in the Healthy Adult Mode as it provides you with the tools that help you control your reactions and even change them positively. The elements you need are: 

•Self-Awareness: By enhancing your self-awareness, you are helping yourself know your motivators, fears, strengths and weaknesses. You start working on investing your points of strength and utilising motivators to manage negative moods

•Desire: People in the Healthy Adult Mode share their desires and speak positively with themselves to motivate their inner voice and be achievers 

•Free will: By consistently applying the concept of “I am free to choose”, successful people change whatever obstacles they face into manageable challenges. Our greatest power is the freedom to choose

Emotional Intelligence

We can also positively impact our mood by applying our skills in emotional intelligence:

•Ability to manage and control negative emotions (stress, fear, anger, worry, boredom)

•Self-motivation by creating a positive environment for ourselves: Choosing our relationships and friends wisely and nurturing a positive environment all around

•Communicating with positive people and nurturing positive relationships ourselves

•Managing our emotions by practising gratitude, empathy and kindness, accountability (to all your choices and steps in life), optimism and patience — one of the most important secrets of success in challenging times is to be patient, remembering that hard times yield lessons to help us grow, move and achieve

The most important one who deserves your attention is you! If you lose yourself through negative emotions, you risk losing everything and everyone you care about.

Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine